i fell asleep in a horrible state.

there are no words for this day.
only tears.
there are tears.

maybe things will get better or change with the weather

i think topsy-turvy is the word i'm looking for.
just that everything you do something changes and you sorta get used to but then you step back and you realize that you don't remember which way is up.
it feels more and more like summer with every second. and i guess because we are creatures of habit, i have fallen back into that stupid spring-time almost no more school trap. and i hate it. or maybe i just wish i hated it. and honestly i'm pretty confident that the latter hold more merit. so for the moment i'm embracing it and listening to sequoyah prep school. i can be quite the masochist now can't i...

i have to go to work in three hours. and i have to take a stupid test on the stupid menu. maybe i'll just fail. it's a thought. but i couldn't let myself. i'm such a sucker sometimes.

lately i have found that with both feet on the ground i'm still losing my mind at least one day at a time.
(one day at a time - sequoyah prep school)

you were the best thing summer gave me

better than silence and no school

i'm done with all this.
i need something.
and that's frustrating because it's never easy to put your finger on.
so i just end up being stupid to try and make up for it.
and people just need to all mean what they say.
it's just too much to try and remember what it was you said and then try to decide if that's what you meant or that's all changed now.
it's not fair.

oh for the love of god...

g'night.
because i'm a grandma.

no, i'm not fit to wear that hat today

i took the SAT today.
well the subject tests.
that was pretty much a wake up call. two big tests on history and chemistry. kinda a foreshadowing for my week. i'm gonna do terribly.
but the sun is out.
and i think that's making it worse but it's just so magnificent.
it may be killing my work ethic but things might've been worse had the sun not come out soon.
i've been trying to look for the good in things.
generally there is some.
that's comforting.

i need one of those carefree picnic liberation days.
:D

i think i'm ok.

what a day to be alive

...
What a day to realize I'm not dead
What a day to save a dime
What a day to die trying

What a way to say good bye
What a wonderful life now
What a way to use your mind
What a day to say good night

"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life" (My life)

What a day to give a damn
What a day for "Gone with the Wind"
And what a day to start again
What a day to give up dry gin

"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"
"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"

Let it go
Let it go from here, I don't know
Let it go
Let it go from here, I don't know
Don't know

What a day to visit Seattle
What a day for San Francisco
What a day, holy Toldeo
What a day to get in the air and go
What a day to give up smoking
What a day to absorb
What a day to welcome a baby
And to begin breathing
(To begin breathing)


indeed, what a day to be alive.
what a great day.
i got to spend time with my best friend and we got to be each other again and it felt like summer and it all felt perfect and we took pictures and by we i mean she took pictures and i modeled but they came out amazing and looked so fierce! and just...
what a day to be alive!

and through your uneven footsteps you found tolerence

i just had a really fabulous discussion with my best friend.
that made me really happy because even though we see each other all the time and talk all the time that hasn't happened in quite some time. i know we always miss it when it isn't happening but it's no one's fault. we appreciate it more. and we have more to say. it's just good.
we sat outside and listened to music and just talked.
all those little things that've been on our minds and we've wanted to say but it hasn't been the time or place to say all come out. the things that are hard to share or whatever. it's all just out.
it makes me feel healthy.
like just maybe i'm gonna make it out alive.
and that's reassuring.
because lately i've been questioning that. i needed this.

i got my license today.
:D

i'm gonna be ok.
we all are.

i want a girl with shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes

do you ever just feel invincible?