trying to keep a level head.

i don't understand how so much is happening at one time. at what point does it just get to be too much for the universe to contain. when are too many events occuring all in the same moment?

i think that's where i am.
i just wish the universe would realize that and back me up a little, ya know?

and it's not just all the physical whatever. yeah, that sucks but i can deal with it. i always do. i carry on. i can organize performances and set up field trips and set up and run rehearsals and stay up until all hours of the morning choreographing and fix stuff that looked like crap becasue i choreographed it under the same conditions for my senior project, and still keep up with my classes (which i'm not currently "keeping up with" to be honest), and rehearse with guard and learn my music and because i suck and "i don't deserve to go to carnegie hall". it's all physical. the part that really sucks is that on top of all that i can't seem to get my head straight. i make poor decisions, i keep thinking on one such particular subject that i can't seem to avoid, and that gets me wondering if it's such a bad subject after all, then i realize how often i set myself up to get hurt like that, so there's another such particular subject that i think i think of higher than reality would prove accurate, also setting myself up for devastation. and i tend to overanalyze my entire world. it doesn't help at all.

all at once.
i need something. i'm sure what.
maybe a particular subject.
surely not. that would make me think more.
feel more.
i'm avoiding that these days.

i press on.