i'm living, i'm learning, i'm hurting, i'm thinking all the time

i love when conclusions just like totally work. ahhhhhh.
haha so like the ending of my day was pretty great.
yesterday...not so much.
ew it like totally had potential but just didn't follow through.
you don't know it's your fault but you totally suck and i need you to grow up.
but whatever.

so i was inspired by an amazing friend of mine to just kinda read through old blogs and stuff and i'm sure it'd be fun but i think this thingy here is just to new and whatnot to be cool but i read through old ones i posted on myspace. the ones where you write to people but don't say who are like totally my favorite! and one reason they're my favorite is this...

"i love you. i love you more than you will ever know. remember that. remember i'm your one and only. remember you're a dancer - and you always will be. how could you not? you're my other self. remember you are the most amazing, incredible friend anyone could want. you give me so much. you have held me in so many ways. you never even knew it."
i snuck into the library for that....

perfection.
she knows who she is.
and you all know you're totally jealous of us.
:D

i totally want to write something like completely inspired and amazing right here right now in this little white box but i've got nothing...i hate that.

ok so the other day i was trying to consider a story of my own experience. kinda searching for a muse if you will. so one song lead to another and one memory led to another and i ended up listening to about rain on repeat and reading journals from eighth grade. oh that silly boy. so yeah that was just like crazy. i kinda love reminiscing like that but then again i kinda hate it because you think about that kid from way back when and parts of me like totally yearn to be her again and parts of me realize that i've grown up since then and that's a good thing and i think a severe improvement on lindsey as a person would be a nice culmination of eighth grade lindsey and present day rising senior about to about to enter the world lindsey. scary.
but i did end up writing a little note to future lindsey in there. just generically entering my thoughts as i did in the eighth grade. just so i would know and be able to remember and appreciate who this lindsey is. or was.


"i did no pull this glorious book from it's dustyplae on the shelf with an intention of committing my thoughts to its pages once again. no, tonight i was dancing. i stretched. i worked out. and then i begain searching to find the song perfect for my first attempts at truely expressive dancing. then i realized why the dancing wasn't there but there were so many songs. i needed a story. i needed to actually be expressing something so it would be easiest if i found a song that meant somthing to me and use that story or experience or what have you. i came first to " about rain" by sequoyah prep school.
william kincaid.
so i was laying in my floor trying to relive those years and i saw his eighth grade journal which eventually led to mine which led to less and less dancing but maybe i've started a project for myself.
so i'm a senior now. i have one more year of high school.i'm scared to death.i want to go to nyu more than a lot of other things but it would be nice to be a mere thirty minutes away from my best friend. my lifeline. and charleston's a good school with and dance program and anything else that i could do for the rest of my life and in-state tuition and lottery money scholarships. but it's new york... and what's more is i have no clue what i want to do with my life. i would love to be a choreographer but that's like completely ridiculous of me. like that's just foolish. or maybe a writer...same problem.
i love this journal. i miss it. just watching me hanging to by inches to towering over the rest of the world and everything in between. all the amazing quotes and prompts and some interesting and mature and eloquent responses that i've had.

inspiration."

so there.
haha if i can't find something inspired and fabulous to write tonight i'll just type up something i wrote when i was feeling inspired.
so there.

g'night.