rest your soul now

cause music saves your life

ya know i'm not quite as in love with music as i used to be but i heard this line in a gorgeous song and realized what truth it holds.

i know that doing the right thing isn't always easy. and it doesn't always feel that great. more often than not it may feel like it's harder to do the right thing.

i quit band this year.
i will never again march on a field to a drum tap or a drum major. it hurts. but it's liberating. i have two options for thinking about this. it can be like getting out an abusive relationship. it feels comfortable and normal so it hurts to get out of but then you realize how much better you are after it's over. or it's like doing drugs. the high feels amazing but it's a huge mistake. i'm gonna lean on the former for my own sanity.
i'm comfy with my decision.
i will dance.

i hate being sick. i miss stuff. i feel left out.
don't judge me. don't act like i'm faking crap. i'm not looking for attention. get over yourself.

i'm going to bed.
i intend to blister my skin under the sun's harmful rays tomorrow. then go watch the latin dance video. should be fun.
♥