blame it on this southern weather.

i really needed a rehearsal today. obvious reasons. not so obvious ones too. we've got performances coming up and i so hate not being ready and i'm really worried about where we are. we're so behind. and dance makes me forget stuff. i know it hurts just as bad after practice when the world crashes down on you but still i'm such a weenie that every little bit helps. i love dancing. i stayed up until midnight last night finishing a dance because even though i was exhausted i knew that i didn't wanna have to stand up on that stage afterschool with nothing to teach. thanks so much. really i mean it.
eventually i'll get used to it.
i hope.

plucking petals.

starting a new blog got me exploring old ones. blogs are so awkward to start. so i went back to the original. xanga. i never deleted mine. it's still there. just sitting. all of my thoughts just kinda taking up space. i'd like to keep it that way.
but i started my xanga with a survey thing. don't judge me i was a fetus.
one part of the survey was listing eleven memories.
mine were:
running into a brick wall, being told kayla died, learning to play spoons, the summer pop died, the snow storm that one winter, my cruise, camp, meeting alex and playing in the dirt, my first day of middle school, that halloween party, and cleaning nana's attic with lauren and tori.
wow.
some of those things i didn't even remember until i read that. some of them don't mean a thing to me anymore. i guess things change before you even realize it. or want it.

so now that i guess the ice is broken.

i was thinking. i think i have reason enough that i should be happy.
i just forget that.
mostly because it's a hard thing to remember.

i suppose it's ok to forget sometimes. it's just getting back to the point where you can see throught the pain to remember again that's the trick.