i need a winn dixie grocery bag full of money right now to the vip section

new poem! haha i'm not just in a wierd poem mood that's just what we're writing in dance class right now.
so for this assignment we had to write a poem about ourselves and choreograph to the poem and dance it while we recited our poems.
i ended up forgetting part of mine and freezing in the middle and while i was trying to recover everybody started clapping so i was just like ok then. i'm done. haha. it was a pretty great experience though.
here goes.

i am searching
i am searching for my place in the world
where do i fit?
i am searching for the beat to drive my song
i am a musician
i am searching to see where i will end up
where will these choices take me
i am searching to stay afloat
stressed and overwhelmed
i am seaching
i am searching to be as strong as i act
abandon my facade
i am searching for my eternal relationship
never close enough to God
i am searching to inspire someone
make an impact
i am searching to be the person i've always known i am
honestly myself
i am searching

haha so it was that one "i am searching" in the middle where i stopped dancing which sucks because i liked the stuff i had for the second half but whatever. haha if you wanna see my poem dance lemme know. and don't laugh ha.

:D

it's never as easy as we believe

you.
you always knew that perfect organization
for all those thoughts swirling in your head
mine just jumbled together
but you loved me
you loved me enough to hold my hand
through the jumble
through the pain
but mostly
through the time
and then again
from time to time
you look at me one more time
they say that sometimes a lifetime
can flash before your eyes
when your eyes meet mine
it's everything that we ever were
and everything we were supposed to be
you jumble my thoughts all over again
through the time
through the pain
but mostly
through the jumble
are you still holding my hand?

sorry guys. haha but for my dance class at school we keep a journal so i've been writing through some old stuff ya know so this was my subject for tonight and i think for the subject matter something other than my typical prose is way more appropriate and the theme of the class is pretty much finding other mediums of expression so hey give it a shot. but whatever that's what i've got.
oh ps. don't worry guys i'm good i swear haha sometimes i write really dramatic stuff and i think people worry. but trust me i'm good!

happy labor day.

10 feet under and upside down.

jesus, you make me feel like that.

how long have I

been in this storm

so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form

water's getting harder to tread

with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you

everything will be alright

if I'd see you

the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water

and you will catch me if I fall

and I will get lost into your eyes

and everything will be alright

and everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

so why am I 10 feet under and upside down

barely surviving has become my purpose

cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

if I could just see you

everything will be alright

if I see you

the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water

and you will catch me if I fall

and I will get lost into your eyes

and everything will be alright

and I will walk on water

you will catch me if I fall

and I will get lost into your eyes

and everything will be alright

I know everything is alright

everything's alright

your best friends are just strangers in bars

ohmigah. i love the maine. fo real.

haha ok so i found this and it's like gorgeous perfection.
lovelovelove.

The girl goes dancing there
On the leaf-sown, new-mown, smooth
Grass plot of the garden;
Escaped from bitter youth,
Escaped out of her crowd,
Or out of her black cloud.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!

If strange men come from the house
To lead her away, do not say
That she is happy being crazy;
Lead them gently astray;
Let her finish her dance,
Let her finish her dance.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!

very cool.

so listen to the maine.
and read that cool poem.
and check this sweet tat!
haha...

psh just keep telling me about gorgeous...fo real.

:D

if the fish swam out of the ocean

update:
today i feel better.
i don't know what it was. but i like it.
haha.
i'm so like happy and over stuff. i smile. by myself.
big deal.
:D

yeah so thanks for everyone being concerned and wondering what was up.
drama happened.
i spilled it.
it's over.
i'm good.
:D

ok so...in other news!

i went to church today. except today was different. it was the first sunday of the month so they do teen service like they used to do all the time. and i loved it again. i didn't sleep through it. i was shocked when rachel pulled out her phone and showed me the time. i didn't want it to end. i loved it again. fun stuff.
yay jesus.
haven't said that one in a while.
wow.

so i'm looking for something to do with my best friend now. because i love her. and she feeds me excessive amounts of magical foods that make me feel good.

ohhhh happy day.

:D

however invincible you imagine yourself to be you are wrong

some stupid kid just hit me. and my car. and she called my car stupid. and then she squirted me with water.
i hate that kid.
i don't even know that stupid kid.
uggggh.

i just got off work and it was dumb. like seriously pointless. except that i actually got tips. which is like a huge deal where i work because we don't do jack. ever. for real.

but then i went to deposit my check from my last week and a half of pointless work but it wouldn't except my check. stupid bank. i'm gonna load that stupid child up in my car to go hit that bank too. stupid kid. stupid bank.

anyway.

so given the side of town i was on i...uh...made a pit stop of sorts. whatever. i'm such a stupid girl. like seriously. ugh.
i don't know i guess i'm just dumb and i see things the way i want to see them and i obviously got way more into things and everything was just one sided or whatever. maybe i am just supid and deserved to get hit with that stick and called stupid. stupid kid.

and i don't know how to feel. am i mad? should i be mad? do i think he's just covering? for what? his expanse of manly emotions. yeah right. or am i just sad? sad as i've been since i found out. on the phone. stupid stupid stupid.

i feel stupid.

and i don't know how to feel.

perhaps i should reserve judgement for this evening.
but that leaves a whole day for me to just feel stupid.
and make my family think i'm feeling ten feet tall...

stupid.

as far as you know i might be better off alone

...but i don't believe it.

this sucks.
the end.
actually not.
that's really all i want to post for the world to see but on the other hand i completely just want to like spill my life and my drama and my absolute proof that i am still and teenager and in high school no matter how i try to be above all those fickle things.
this sucks.
i'm crying and it's like actually validated. rare.
except that i feel totally dorky and lame that i'm crying.
but this really sucks.
this was not supposed to end like this. we were supposed to have opportunity to make it work. this isn't fair. we were good. we deserved a shot. we were supposed to jump fences and feel infinite and we were supposed to watch garden state and we were supposed to play scattergories and we were supposed to try really hard to find winter constellations in the summer sky and we're supposed to work.
this isn't fair.
this sucks.

i just feel kinda empty.




sorry for being so dramatic.
i won't mean a word of it in the morning.
that's how it works right.....